Here’s the shovel

Sincerity is the shovel you use to dig up and uncover the bad roots in your life.

The moment you decide to…

• take off the mask 
• quit the hypocrisy, and 
• confront your fears 

…then you are ready to begin the search for the roots of your problems.

Ready to start digging?

To the wise, not the smart-alecks

Blessed be the name of God ... He changes times and seasons, removes kings and establishes kings: He gives wisdom to the wise and to the intelligent understanding. Daniel 2.20,21

The things of God are for those who think, for the wise. Wise does not mean a smart-aleck. Wise are those who are humble and willing to learn; who strive to acquire the wisdom that comes from God. Smart-alecks are those who think they know everything, so they’re neither open to listen nor willing to change.

God only works with the wise and intelligent.

The devil, in turn, works to blind the minds of unbelievers (2 Cor 4.4), to not let people think. He does not want people to discover the root of their problems. He wants them to spend time and money dealing with the leaves and branches, and getting temporary results — as long as the root remains intact.

Time is your enemy

If there’s a bad root in your life, then time is your enemy, not your friend. I hear people say a lot, “Just give it time, things will get better.” I think when people say that, what they often mean is, “I don’t know how to fix this. To be honest, I really don’t want to open that can of worms… Hopefully, if I leave it alone, it won’t come back.”

Except that roots never stop growing. Time only makes a root stronger, deeper, and more resilient.

Have you been ignoring a problem, wishing and pretending it isn’t there? Do you avoid thinking about it, afraid that touching it may make it even worse?

Know this: With every tick of the clock, that bad root keeps growing and making it harder to cut it off.

The best time to deal with a bad root is, and will always be, right now.

Your problem solved. Guaranteed.

Here’s the great thing about cutting off the root of your problem: It guarantees the problem will be solved.

A tree cannot possibly survive after its roots are cut off. A problem will die after what feeds it is gone.

If you’re looking for a quick fix, a temporary solution, then don’t worry about the root. But if you want to deal with it once and for all, it’s the root you have to go for.

Easy? No. Quick? No. Smarter?

Absolutely yes.

Poisoned by another root

Here's something I didn't know — and probably, neither did you. According to Paul Wray, a forester at Iowa State University:

Trees can share root systems. If two roots of the same species grow next to each other, as they grow in diameter, they may grow or graft together. This has implications when trees growing next to each other are infected with vascular diseases that may be transmitted through root grafts.

So, two trees growing side by side can merge their roots together. If one of the trees is diseased, it can transmit that disease through its roots to the healthy tree — but apparently, not the other way around.

I'm beginning to think that these similarities between the life of trees and the life of people are not just coincidences. As I said earlier, God does teach us through nature.

The lesson here is that if you join together with someone who has bad roots, chances are that their bad roots will spoil yours — rather than your good roots heal theirs.

It sure offers you a strong reason to rethink your friendships, colleagues, business partners, future husband/wife, and the effects that those you grew up with have had on you.

We can't heal someone else's bad roots. They have to do it for themselves. And for us to deal with our own roots, sometimes we have to cut off the bad influence that others have had on us.

The Root Event will be stronger than any of us might think.

Two functions of roots

A good root system serves two purposes in the tree’s development: it functions as an anchor and the roots collect moisture, without which the tree could not thrive.

Strong roots function as an anchor and ensure that a tree remains standing regardless of the weather and other elements of nature. Rain or shine, lightning or tornado, a tree may even suffer some damage to its body, but its roots will ensure it remains standing and recovers.

The root of a problem plays a similar role. It doesn’t matter what happens to the visible parts of the problem, its “leaves and branches”. As long as the root remains, it will ensure the problem remains standing and recovers its original state in due course.

The other function of roots is to feed the tree. They provide uptake of nutrients and water for growth and cooling, and provide storage for food reserves.

The root of a problem also feeds the problem. It ensures the problem stays alive, even if for a while it remains dormant. A person may have a problem last for many years, and only see it manifest from time to time. But it only exists and thrives because the root is feeding it.

Whatever happens to a tree, its rise or decline, it’s directly linked to its root system.

No tree exists without roots. Neither does a problem.

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No problem is an orphan

It wasn’t by chance that the Lord Jesus said: "A tree is known by its fruit." (Matt. 12:33) He knew exactly what he was talking about and where He was going with it.

For starters, we see that He used logic: If this, then that. In this case, if the fruit is good, then the tree is good too. If the fruit is bad, the tree also is bad. This is logical, intelligent, and undisputable. God calls us to such intelligence. He wants us to use logic to discover the root of our problems.

For twenty plus years in my work I have counseled people with all kinds of problems. Rarely does anyone come to us knowing what the root of their problem is. Usually, people want to solve the visible problem, the one that is causing them pain at that time. They do not realize that every problem has an origin, a root. They talk about wanting to get a job, improving communication in their relationship, breaking an addiction, and so on. Except that these are all just “leaves” and “branches” of trees that have much deeper roots.

No problem is an orphan.

That person is out of a job for one or more factors. Poor communication is happening because of bigger reasons that are affecting the relationship. Addiction is only a symptom, not the disease itself.

Just as no one is born without the action of a father and a mother, no problem arises from nothing.

Logic and intelligence. God wants us to fight against our problems using these weapons.

Want to learn how to use them?

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Problems that come and go

If I want to get rid of a tree, I must cut it at the root. The banana tree, for example, is a very robust and resilient tree, even if it appears weak. Amazingly, no fire or a tornado can kill it. Even if someone cuts it into a thousand pieces, it can still survive. The only way in which the banana tree can be prevented from growing again is by pulling it out completely from the root. 

The same principle applies to life’s problems, especially the chronic ones. If they’re not resolved at root level, they eventually rise again and come back just as before.

Many people want to solve their problems but limit themselves to dealing with the leaves and branches. The result is the problems eventually come back — and sometimes they grow back even worse.

There are three main reasons why people usually do not deal with the root of their problems:

1. They don’t know how to find the root 
2. They know the root, but they don’t know how to kill it 
3. They know how to kill it, but are not willing to put in the effort required to do it, in other words, they want quick answers 

Which case is yours?

We will explore this further in our next messages. Stay tuned.

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The curse of “normal”

In yesterday’s post, I asserted: If a person’s life doesn’t develop naturally, it’s because there’s something wrong somewhere. It’s not normal for a human being to be miserable, frustrated, and unhappy. That’s not what we were made for.

It is NOT normal:

• To repeatedly fail in your relationships


• To work hard and never have money


• To be sick all the time


• To feel empty inside or depressed


• To be addicted


• To have no peace in your marriage or family


• To never accomplish anything

But a lot of people will tell you that the above is normal. “That’s life.” “That’s the way you are.” “Don’t fight it, embrace it.”

Regardless of what people say to convince you that these things are “normal”, deep inside yourself something tells you that that’s not the way your life should be. That’s the intelligent voice you should listen to.

Break free from the curse of “normal”. We will teach you how.

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It’s not normal

Does this tree look normal to you?

God teaches many truths through nature. Since nothing He does is by chance, the wise seeks and learns the hidden lessons in the works of Creation.

One distinctive feature of nature is that everything in it follows a natural process. In other words, everything follows certain laws and norms. It is a normal process of nature, for example, that if a seed is planted in good soil, it sprouts, grows, and bears fruit. It is abnormal if that process does not happen. And if it doesn’t happen, it clearly indicates there’s a problem somewhere.

If a child is born and develops physically and mentally as is common to a human being, that child is normal because it followed its natural process. If that doesn’t happen, he or she is an abnormal child. And so help is sought from doctors to try and find out the causes of that atrophy.

Therefore, in nature, it is normal to grow and develop. It is abnormal not to.

In life, it’s no different. People naturally and instinctively seek happiness and well-being, regardless of their religion. Being happy is (or should be) the natural outcome in a person’s life.

However, observe how much the human being has strayed from the original plan. Nowadays, happy people are considered the exception, while unhappy, unfulfilled people are considered “normal”. In other words, normal has become abnormal, and vice-versa.

Spiritual intelligence knows that if a person’s life doesn’t develop naturally, it’s because there’s something wrong.

It’s very important that people take a good look at the way their lives have been developing. If something is bad, if there’s no growth or progress, then they must seek the root of the problem.

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When you realize you have to change

Over the course of our lives, we go through many experiences that shape us — or at least they try to. If we are blind and deaf to what each experience teaches us, then our character cannot be shaped. And that’s the problem many of us carry inside. Our human heart is just so full of itself, so convinced that it knows better, that it can never be wrong, that we often miss the learning point in an experience.

When it hits us — the rude awakening of being shown we ARE wrong — we can react in one of two ways. We can wake up and humbly learn our lesson, or we can stubbornly dig our heels in and maintain our pride. The first means we learn and grow; the second means we have become too proud to be taught something new.

“And be renewed in the spirit of your mind,” said the apostle Paul in Ephesians 4.23. Few, but deep words.

Our mind needs renewal. It does because it gets old. As the years go by, if we don’t keep refreshing the spirit of our mind, we start getting really old spiritually and mentally. Old ideas, old ways, resistance to change. We stop growing. We get left behind. Younger (and fresher) minds begin to pass us by. And we become a boring, bitter, resentful caricature of our old self. And then we blame the world for having changed.

“Change is difficult but often essential to survival.” – Les Brown

So next time your current views or beliefs are challenged by different, better ones, don’t be proud. Go ahead and change yourself. It’s for your own good.

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Near-death experiences 'sobering'

Dr. Kenneth Ring, professor of psychology at the University of Connecticut, has dedicated nearly three decades of his life to the study of near-death experiences (NDEs). His research focused on 102 near-death survivors, and some of the findings are really sobering:

• Religious orientation was not a factor affecting either the likelihood or the depth of the NDE. An atheist was as likely to have one as was a devoutly religious person. 
• Regardless of the many variations in religious beliefs and degrees of skepticism from tolerant disbelief to outspoken atheism, most of these people were convinced that they had been in the presence of some supreme and loving power and had a glimpse of a life yet to come. 
• After going through an NDE, people reported a greater appreciation of life and less interest in material things for their own sake. Many tended to become more spiritual. 

Dr. Ring's research presents a convincing argument that there is in fact an afterlife, a spiritual realm that transcends our physical world and bodies.

Death is the only certainty life brings. And yet, most people don't like to think or talk about this one event in their life that they cannot possibly avoid or predict. 

Don’t get caught by death unprepared. Are you ready for what is on the other side?

But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’ Luke 12.20

A curse without a cause

A curse without cause shall not alight. (Proverbs 26.2)

According to this verse, if a curse is put on you, but there is no cause for it, it will not land on you. It won't stick, in other words. It will have no effect.

Even a curse needs a cause for it to work against you.

No cause, no effect.

That's why they say, "Everything happens for a reason."

The key, then, is not to worry about the curse. It's to discover the cause, and get rid of it.

Easier said, but doable.

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How can a God of love…

…throw people into hell? 

That’s one of the favorite questions some people use to express their struggle to understand or believe in God.

I think there’s a smarter question, though.

• Since God has said that He has no pleasure or intention whatsoever that anybody should end up in that place; and 
• Only those who don’t want a relationship with Him are heading in that direction 

Then:

Why should God not let you spend eternity the same way you decided to spend your lifetime — far from Him?

Said differently: Should He force you to live with Him forever if in this short life you chose not to?

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Truly independent

In yesterday's post on my blog, which you can read here, I said that one of the biggest reasons for your unhappiness are your dependence on others and your often dashed expectations of them.

When you are simply a natural person, subject to your emotions, what people do or don’t do for you can affect you very deeply. Your happiness and peace of mind are immediately affected by a betrayal, the loss of a loved one, a gossip, an injustice, a comment, an odd look, a letdown — or any other action that provokes your feelings.

That makes you a slave to people. You become their hostage. You can only be happy if they do according to what pleases you.

How to overcome this?

Think. Is it smart to trust in someone who is not trustworthy? Is it realistic to expect people to always do as you hope they will? Of course not. That’d be foolishness and fantasy.

So, as a result of this reasoning, you pull out your heart from the hands of people and put it in God's hands — the Only One you can always trust to never disappoint you.

Some will say, “Yeah, depend only on God and on yourself – nobody else.” I would say that you can’t even depend on yourself, because you are just as fallible and unpredictable as others who disappoint you. Remember, you are flesh too.

You can only depend on yourself after your self learns to depend on God. Outside of that, it's all sinking sand.

In short: Use your head and stop subjecting your happiness to others. Get to know God and put one hundred percent of your dependence on Him. The sum of these parts will result in your true independence of people.

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7 things NOT TO DO in church

When people keep you hostage

When I was 12 years old, I found out that my dad had cheated on my mom and now had another woman. I was so shocked that I felt a very strong desire to die. I did not attempt suicide, but had I been given the choice between dying or living, at that moment I would have chosen death. There was my hero, my role model, exchanging my mom and the four of us kids for another woman. It was unbearable, unacceptable, incomprehensible.

What happened to me at that time is actually pretty common to most people. Not that they feel like dying, but in the sense of how the actions of others affect them deeply.

The natural man of flesh and blood is highly dependent on other people, especially those close to him. Our human nature has its natural affections and expectations, such as expecting that our mother or father will never disappoint us, that husband or wife will never cheat on us, that our boss will be fair, that our colleagues will be honest, our neighbors will be respectful — and so on.

Of course, that presents a big problem: People do not always do what is expected of them. So when they fail us, we become hostages of our feelings, those feelings provoked by what people do to us: hurt, anger, sadness, abandonment, rejection, anger, depression, disappointment, loneliness, grudges, and all sorts of bad feelings.

How to deal with this problem then? Is there a way to avoid all this pain and hurt? Yes, there is. I’ll get into that tomorrow, here in this blog.

But for now, keep this clearly in mind: Among the biggest reasons for your unhappiness are your dependence on others and your (dashed) expectations of them.

If you want to be truly happy, you will have to rise above them, as I eventually learned and did.

More details tomorrow.

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Kick the bum out

I received the following comment to my article "Are you your child’s savior?", to which I subsequently respond:

I have a 24-year-old son who lives with me, is unemployed, has dropped out of university, doesn’t work at all, and spends day and night on the Internet playing games in his bedroom... He only comes out to eat and take a bath. I’ve been praying to God, but I see no change. He says he doesn’t want to quit his addiction. I try not to make things easy, but he has a girlfriend who is 38 and does everything for him. She even takes the food to his mouth! I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t contribute anything to the house. My husband, his stepfather, is a wonderful person; he can’t bear the situation, but at the same time he doesn’t want to offend him. His girlfriend moved in with us about a month ago. She’s very helpful to everyone in the house, but she spoils him too much... ANSWER ME, WHAT DO I DO IN THIS SITUATION?

Dear mother, what you have to do is very clear and straightforward:

Unless your son is physically or mentally incapacitated, kick the bum out.

You and his girlfriend are enabling his lack of responsibility. With room and board for free, his new live-in nanny who’s probably giving him sex too (one assumes), and free Internet, what motivation does he have to do differently?

The truth my dear, is that some people learn by words, while others only learn by the hard blows life gives them. Don’t use your feelings. He will thank you some day.

The decision is yours, but since you asked...

A man of great wrath has to suffer punishment; for if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

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The Book of Life: Omniscience and Justice

The 15th Day of the Fast of Daniel — a short meditation:



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How to Deal with Rejection

Some things in life you just have to get used to. Like sleazy politicians for example. They’ll always exist, and the best you can do – if you live in their constituency – is wait for the next election and vote for the other guy hoping he is a bit less corrupt. Tough choice.

Another thing you must get used to in life is rejection. You may be the most likeable, competent person on the planet and still get rejected. What you mustn’t do is take it personally.

A wise, faultless teacher who suffered a lot of rejection had this to say to his students about how to deal with it: “When you enter a town, if you’re not welcomed, not listened to, quietly withdraw. Don’t make a scene. Shake the dust off your feet, shrug your shoulders and move on.”

Contrary to this advice, many people tend to collect and accumulate the dust of rejection on them for years. Before they know it, they’re covered in it. They become shy, bitter, resentful, afraid to try new things, suspicious of everyone and everything, and walk around head down as if they’re carrying the world on their shoulders. Truth is, they are.

Every time you get rejected and don’t shake the dust off your feet, you pile up the dust of negativity from other people on yourself. Unless you change, my advice to you is get a big truck because you’ll need a lot of room to store and carry all that dust.

That wise teacher, better known as Jesus, knew that you can’t avoid rejection in life. But He also knew that the best reaction you can give it is to shake it off and move on. There’s always another town.

Do yourself a favor today. Forgive everyone who has ever rejected you or treated you badly, tell yourself it’s no big deal, and move on with your life.

And don’t be surprised if after you’ve done it you feel a ton lighter. Where did all that dust go?


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I hate you! Will you marry me?

Nobody marries out of hate. Everybody marries out of love. At least that’s what they say. I have never heard of anyone who hated somebody so much that they wanted to marry him or her. So, if one hundred percent of marriages are made out of love, why do over fifty percent of them end up in divorce?

There can be many reasons, but one thing will always be true: Emotional love can’t survive marriage; only intelligent love can.

Emotional love is limited to feelings, good experiences, and sensations. “He makes me feel so special… I’m sure he’s going to be a good husband.” “She is so beautiful… That’s the kind of wife I’ve always wanted to have.”

Intelligent love looks beyond feelings. It uses reason, not emotion, to choose a partner for life. And when marriage problems come, intelligent love deals with and solves them using — you guessed it — intelligence.

Only intelligent love can say, “He makes me feel so special, but I can’t trust him because sometimes he lies. It’s not going to work. I’m breaking it up.” “She’s beautiful, but she often puts her family before me. She’s trouble. I can’t marry someone like that.”

Only intelligent love can look at a marriage problem with a cool eye, resist the emotional reactions, and do what it takes to solve it.

Intelligent love produces true, healthy feelings, but are never subject to them. Emotional love depends on feelings and thinks they are love itself.

Want to be happy in love?

Use your head, not your heart.

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Kids & teens on the Internet

In my work I am used to hearing about horrible things that human beings can do — stuff we cannot even write here. But the repulsive story I came across this week must be proclaimed from the rooftops.

A mother in our church had the misfortune to find out that her 12-year-old daughter is pregnant. The father is a 30-year-old man whom her daughter met on Facebook. In other words, a pedophile. Too sad. Sickening.

While this mother now has to pick up the pieces and deal with the situation the best she can, and the authorities hunt down this monster, this warning is fit to all parents and carers of underage kids:

Do you know what your son or daughter has been up to on the Internet?

Nowadays it is too easy for a child or teen to access the Internet. I sometimes watch in stupefaction how some parents let their children roam free with phones, iPods, computers, etc. without adult supervision. “But if I don’t let my son get on the Internet, he gets angry...” they say. “All my daughter's friends have a cell phone... if I don’t give her one, she will feel bad..."

Parents:

We are responsible to protect our children from evil in the world. Of course we can’t protect them from everything. It’s impossible. But we must do what we can. Only a few days ago I had to take my teenage son’s cell phone away from him for inappropriate use. Ask him if he liked what I did. Then ask me if I care what he thinks.

One of the major responsibilities parents have is to set limits, especially as children and teenagers have no sense of it. So I ask you again:

Do you know what your son or daughter has been up to on the Internet?


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He loved his car more...

I am your father! (The Luke moment)

The people Jesus was talking to in John 8.44 had a "Luke moment" when they were told that actually the devil, not God, was their father. (For those who don't know, Lucas was a Jedi in Star Wars who hated the evil Darth Vader, whom he thought had killed his father. But then, Darth Vader eventually tells him... well, you can watch it for yourself below.)

It must be shocking, mustn't it, to find out that you're not who you thought you were; to discover something evil about yourself that you never knew was there... or maybe you did, but never wanted anybody to know.

And yet, it could be the best thing that ever happened to you — if you use it to face the truth, to take off the mask, and decide to change your life forever.

Maybe you need a "Luke moment". Maybe you need to face who your real father is.

Have you ever had a "Luke moment" in your life? How was it?

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What’s your secret costing you…

…through your guilty conscience?

…through a personal hell of mental torture?

…every time you have to play-act in front of others?

…through every lie you tell to cover it up?

…at the self-loathing you feel for doing such a thing?

…through the doubts that weaken you?

…for the wall that it puts up between you and God?

Is it really worth it?

What joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of sin, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

Psalm 32:2-5

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I know what you did…

There are different kinds of secrets. Some are things hidden from our understanding, sometimes called the mysteries of life: How they built the pyramids, miracles, unexplained events. Then you have personal secrets — things we have done ourselves, or had done to us, or have been involved in, which we don't want anybody to know about. Usually it is something that is not socially or morally acceptable. 

There are different kinds of personal secrets:

Cheating - Perhaps on an exam, just copying from the next person's paper.

Lying – Like giving false information on our tax returns.

Stealing - We eat those grapes, walking down the aisle in the market, and we haven't paid for them. That may be a stretch, but then maybe there's a history of stealing as a teenager. Maybe it’s embezzlement.

Sexual secrets - Things like affairs, crisis pregnancies that may have ended in adoption or abortion that you haven't told anybody about. Maybe it was sexual experiences with someone no one knows about. Molestation. Homosexuality. Addiction to pornography. Incest.

Drug addictions - This could be anything from sleeping pills to cocaine to heroin.

The list goes on.

We keep secrets for many reasons. We conceal them out of fear and shame. We fear rejection. What if — if we expose ourselves and lay ourselves bare — we are abandoned by our friends, our family, or perhaps even ridiculed by our enemies? We fear that our projected persona would become tarnished if we showed who we really are. We may feel that to be acceptable to others we must look good at all costs. Perhaps we keep secrets in a futile attempt to erase our past. 

Well, I’m going to let you in on a big secret. But only if you promise to tell everybody!

The greatest secret of all is that God knows all your deepest secrets — all the bad stuff you’ve done and feel ashamed of — and yet somehow He still manages to love you.

That’s right. He knows what you did last summer, last week and last night. Things that you work hard to ensure no one finds out. He knows them all and there’s nowhere you can hide them from Him. Yes, you are guilty and you know it.

However, He doesn’t want to condemn you. He is ready to quash all charges against you and wipe your record clean. Why would He do that?

Just ask any mother or father whose son is in jail if and why they would let their son out of jail if they could. Of course they would, because it’s their son. They will always believe that if their son is given a second chance, he will do well and not go back to the wrong life again.

That’s what God believes too. He knows all you’ve done but He loves you so much that He is ready to forgive you for all your faults and let you start again with a clean sheet.

Now that could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Find peace within yourself. Here’s how.

1. Admit your mistakes to God in prayer and ask Him to forgive you. 
2. Accept His love for you by believing in Jesus Christ as the one who took your place dying for your wrongs. 
3. And while at it, ask Him for another chance and also to help you start a new life from now on. 
4. Then make that prayer count by acting upon it. 
5. If your secret is affecting someone, go to that person and confess it. 
6. Finally, never go back to your old ways again. 

You’ve got Someone who believes in you. Now, do you believe in yourself to change your life for the better?

5 things never to tell your husband

Do you know your husband’s hot buttons? What makes him snap and lash back at you in hot anger? Many a marriage has been severely damaged by words that should’ve never been spoken.

Of course it cuts both ways – husbands must also beware of what they say to their wives. But I will have to leave that for another article.

So here we go. Most men will either spout steam, blow a fuse, or close up in bitterness for days – not necessarily in that order – upon hearing their wife say something about these ‘no-go’ areas:

1. Never doubt his ability – “You never do anything right!”
2. Never compare him to other men – “I wish you were like your cousin Mark.”
3. Never tell him off in front of others – “At least I’m not like you.”
4. Never say you want a divorce – unless you really mean it.
5. Never badmouth his relatives – especially his mother.

You’ve been warned.

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (St Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 5.33)

P.S. From your experience, what would you add to this list?

One decision

A decision is an act of faith. As long as a person is in doubt, he or she makes no decision. So the reason why many people have faith but do not see results from it is because they never get to the point of decision.

You want a change in some area of ​​your life? Start with a decision. When you make a decision and move forward with it no matter what, it is your faith that you are acting. And that faith acted upon brings about change.

Faith acted upon is not just reading the Bible. It is not just going to the church, raising your hands up in prayer, and sometimes punching the air for good measure. Faith acted upon is the result of intelligent decisions.

I will not buy cigarettes anymore.

I'll cut off this friendship that does not help me at all.

From now on I will no longer practice comfort eating.

I'll invest in my relationship with God and forget about my love life until I am strong spiritually.

I will begin the steps to open my own business before Christmas.

A firm decision is worth a thousand prayers that hit the church ceiling and fall back down to the ground.

P.S. I challenge you to make a decision right now, and commit it to paper. Yes, write it down. If you stick with it, something good is going to happen to you.

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Why forgiving is good for you

Many research studies now suggest that those who take a forgiving attitude toward others not only make better friends, neighbors, and co-workers – anyone could guess that – but are themselves happier, healthier people who live longer than others and know more success in life.

Forgiveness is good not just for the person forgiven, but for the person who forgives. People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs, says the book of Proverbs 19.11 in the Bible.

Some people hold grudges because they think forgiving the other person would be letting them get away with it.

That’s not true.

When you forgive, you set yourself free from the other person’s wickedness. You rise above them.

Steps to forgiveness:

1. Decide to forgive (yes, it's a decision, not a feeling)
2. Pray for the other person and/or force yourself to think only good thoughts and wishes for them
3. Refuse to let your mind play the movie of what happened that caused the grudge. When that movie starts to play again, go back to number 2 above.
4. Become forward-looking. It's what you do from now on that counts — in relation to yourself and to that person.

Remember, these steps are about you, to benefit you, not the other person (he or she might not even know you have that grudge...).

I don’t read the Bible every day

That’s right, I don’t. And I’ll tell you why. But first, let me tell you why I want to tell you this.

Just the other day I counseled a woman who came to our church for the first time. She normally attends another church. She came to ask me for prayer because she wanted to feel closer to God. She felt that she was letting God down. When I asked her what made her feel that way, she mentioned that she felt guilty for not doing things that she knew she should be doing as a Christian, such as reading the Bible every day.

I asked her if she knew that the people we read about in the Bible didn’t read the Bible every day. She looked at me as if I had just told her I was a Martian. I explained: “Did you know that Abraham did not even have a Bible? Or most people in the Bible, for that matter?”

Of course she had never heard or thought of that. The “read your Bible every day” teaching is a recent thing, only since the Bible became available to most people in book form. Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s a great thing if you do have the discipline and time to read your Bible every day. But what will help you the most is not the daily readings. It’s the meditation, the exercise of thinking about something God said — working in you and through you, changing you, challenging you, and troubling you till you do something about it — that will help you the most.

The Bible says faith comes by hearing the Word of God, right? So how did Abraham become the father of faith without ever owning a Bible and without going to church to hear a preacher?

Because he THOUGHT about what little he heard from God. Even though God's messages sometimes would come to him in several-year intervals, Abraham wouldn’t let go of what he’d heard from God.

That’s what I do. I do read the Bible. But I don’t just read it with my eyes. I use my brain as I read it. And what my brain and my spirit get from it in one sitting can feed me for days before I’m through with it.

So I may not read it every day. But you can bet I’m thinking about what I read last time all day long, and finding ways to act it in my life.

And no, I don’t feel bad about it one bit. I feel great, thank you.

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The wise man and the cow

Some of you may already know this story, but there's always somebody who never heard it. In any case, it's a lesson worth remembering. Let's go.

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there lived a Chinese wise man and his disciple. One day in their travels, they saw a hut in the distance. As they approached they realized that it was occupied in spite of its extremely poor appearance.

In that desolate place where there were no crops and no trees, a man lived with his wife, three young children and a thin, tired cow. Since they were hungry and thirsty, the wise man and his disciple stopped for a few hours and were well received. At one point, the wise man asked:

“This is a very poor place, far away from anything. How do you survive?”

“You see that cow? That’s what keeps us going,” said the head of the family. “She gives us milk, some of it we drink and some were make into cheese. When there is extra, we go into the city and exchange the milk and cheese for other types of food. That’s how we survive.”

The wise man thanked them for their hospitality and left. When he reached the first bend in the road, he said to his disciple:

“Go back, get the cow, take her to the cliff in front of us, and push her off.”

The disciple could not believe what he was hearing.

“I cannot do that, master! How can you be so ungrateful? The cow is all they have. If I throw it on the cliff, they’ll have no way to survive. Without the cow, they’ll all die!”

The wise man, an elderly Chinese man, took a deep breath and repeated the order: “Go ahead. Push the cow off the cliff.”

Though outraged at what he was being asked to do, the student was resigned to obey his master. He returned to the hut and quietly led the animal to the edge of the cliff and pushed. The cow fell down the cliff and died.

As the years passed by, remorse for what he had done never left the disciple. One spring day, the guilt became too much to bear and he left the wise man and returned to that little shack. He wanted to find out what had happened to that family, to help them out, apologize, or somehow make amends.

Upon rounding a turn in the road, he could not believe what his eyes were showing him. In place of the poor shack there was a beautiful house with trees all around, a swimming pool, several cars in the garage, a satellite dish, and on and on. Three good-looking teenagers and their parents were celebrating their first million dollars.

The heart of the disciple froze. What could have happened to the family? Without a doubt, they must have been starving to death and forced to sell their land and leave. At that moment, the student thought they must all be begging on the street corners of some city. He approached the house and asked a man that was passing by about the whereabouts of the family that had lived there several years before.

“You're looking at it,” said the man, pointing to the people gathered around the barbecue. Unable to believe what he was hearing, the disciple walked through the gate and took a few steps closer to the pool where he recognized the man from several years before, only now he was strong and confident, the woman was happy, and the children were now nice-looking teenagers. He was dumbfounded, and went over to the man and asked:

“What happened? I was here with my teacher a few years ago and this was a miserable place. There was nothing. What did you do to improve your lives in such a short time?”

The man looked at the disciple, and replied with a smile:

“We had a cow that kept us alive. She was all we had. But one day she fell down the cliff and died. To survive, we had to start doing other things, develop skills we didn’t even know we had. And so, because we were forced to come up with new ways of doing things, we are now much better off than before.”

Moral of the story: Sometimes our dependency on something small and limited is the biggest obstacle to our growth. Perhaps the best thing that could happen to you is to push your "cow" down the cliff. Once you free yourself of the thought "it's little but it's certain," or of that idea "I am not doing great but there are people who are much worse than me" — then your life will really change.

Is there a cow in your life that is keeping you miserable?


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What A Day! Official Song + Lyrics

What a Day!

Songwriters: Renato Cardoso & Evelyn Higginbotham

By Cristiane Cardoso

Here I am, Oh my Lord
There's so much I want to say
When I think about that day
Nothing ever satisfied
Empty poems of the heart
Fruitless searching of my soul
Nothing inside

What a day! Oh my Lord
What a day! My Savior God
What a way to find true love!

When I knew you understood
All my failures you forgave
There's no way I could repay
All I have is at Your feet
Sacrifice of sincerity
No more words are left to say
Oh what a day!

What a day! Oh my Lord
What a day! My Savior God
The day when I found
My truest love!

What a day! Oh my Lord
What a day! My Savior God
Oh the day when I found
My truest love!

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The built-in warning/guiding light

My friend Bishop Celso Junior made a very interesting analogy of the Holy Spirit recently. For you who are new to this subject, the Holy Spirit is the life-force, the very person of God in spirit form, which He promised to give to you, if you seek it. It's like having God living inside you, 24/7. Can you imagine the implications of that?

Okay, now on to that analogy. One of the things the Holy Spirit does when He's living inside us can be compared to what traffic lights do for drivers.

When you see a set of traffic lights, you know that each color has a different meaning. Red means stop. Amber means prepare to stop short of the intersection (and not "speed to beat the red light", contrary to what some drivers think...). And green means go.

The thing is that traffic lights are just that — lights. They're not physical barriers that block cars or engines that push them through. They're just signals to your brain that you should act a certain way. If red is on and you still want to drive through the intersection, you can. The red light won't stop you. But chances are you're going to crash...

In the same way, the Holy Spirit may be within you, but He won't force you to do anything. Part of His work is to signal to you that you need to act in a certain way. He may light up a red light if you're about to do something bad. He will put you on amber alert when a certain action may not be a good idea. And He will flash a bright green light when He wants you to take action and go ahead with something you want to do.

But He will never impede you from doing what you want to do, even if that means it will ruin your life. And He'll never force you to do what you have to do, even if your inaction means you'll miss a big opportunity.

So what's the use of the Holy Spirit? – you may ask.

Imagine all traffic lights downtown suddenly stop working in the middle of rush hour. You'll quickly understand why they exist and how useful they are.

Only if you respect them, of course.

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And the most brain-dead activity is...

...playing video games!

It has to be. David Staniforth, who lost his 20-year-old son to a condition developed from playing video games for long periods, knows it is.

Video games are addictive, everyone knows that. They used to be child's play, but nowadays the fever has cut through generations and captured victims from children to grandparents. They're also ubiquitous — you can find them on your phone, computer, TV, airplane seat, Internet, and of course through the game consoles.

And with the money behind it, video games are not going away any time soon. In 2010 alone, video game sales in the U.S. totaled $23 billion dollars — more than the movie and music industries combined, which took in $10.6 and $6.9 billion respectively.

Yes, the video game companies are making a lot of money. But exactly what benefit the consumers of these games are getting in return is not very clear.

If you play video games, you may say "It's just a game. I'm only passing time... Just relaxing." That's exactly what drug addicts say about their addiction.

Instead of dismissing what I'm saying here, look at the effects it's having on your life. The effects don't lie.

• Do you spend hours every week playing?
• Does it take you away from other more important duties like work, study, and time with your family?
• Do you get angry or upset when something or someone interferes with your game?
• Have you become less social with anyone who's not into gaming like you?

The effects don't lie. Maybe it's time to use your brain.

Or what is left of it.

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21-Day Fast of Daniel – Day 1

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