Dealing with difficult people

That's what I call creative problem-solving:

Amy Winehouse: What can be learned?

A candle burnt out too soon, Amy Winehouse was found dead on Saturday 23 July in her north London home. The cause of her death is yet unknown.

Now that she's gone, emotions and feelings aside, what lessons can be drawn from her life, that might serve as inspiration and hope plucked out of such a tragedy?


Please do leave your comments. You may help someone. No cussing or trash, please.

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Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony divorce

It's the third divorce for her and the second for him. In spite of the couple's fame, beauty, and money, their three-year-old twins will have to grow up in a broken home.

I joke with my wife that if I were president, I would push for a law that would force couples to get marriage education and only be allowed to marry if they pass a strict test. Just like you do when you get a driver's license. Only harder. Sadly, I'm not running for president...

One of the problems is this: Many couples think that warm and fuzzy feelings of "love" for each other are enough to make marriage work. But after the honeymoon, reality hits them hard, differences become more apparent, and suddenly love is not conquering all anymore.

It takes work for marriage to work. If you're married and struggling in your relationship, it's easy to think divorce is the way out. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Save for rare and special exceptions (when you realize after the wedding that you actually married Freddie Kruger), when you divorce you're simply dropping out of marriage school. You'll never graduate. And if you do marry again, your chances of failure increase, since you never learned your lessons anyway. And once you take that exit door the first time, you'll look for it again the next time.

I've been married for 20 years. Cris and I have vowed never to pronounce the word "divorce" in relation to our marriage. It's amazing what you're prepared to do for each other when you decide that the exit door is not an option and you just have to make it work. 

We learned the hard way. We wish we'd had a course like Succeed in Marriage back in our early days. It's the kind of course that I would endorse as a president — for engaged couples and for veterans who still don't seem to get it right after many years. It's worth visiting Houston, Texas for two weeks just to attend it. Not really comparable but better than nothing, is getting the DVD set.

I'm not making any money from this, since it all goes to fund the course for other couples anyway. But we are making better, happier marriages. The next one starts on August 2nd.

P.S. Will someone forward this to J.Lo and tell her it's way cheaper than a divorce lawyer? Thank you.

What would you do if...

...you were absolutely sure you would succeed?

...you were certain that God is with you?

And what are you waiting for?

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20 years of marriage (2): The curse & the decision

Chris and I are celebrating 20 years of marriage... In this video and the previous one (click here to watch part one http://youtu.be/hWxHQ9iGxLU ), we reveal two main secrets of our lasting and happy marriage — something that every couple can learn and apply to their relationship. Watch and find out!

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Recommended book:

20 years of marriage (1): Gum in your hair

Chris and I are celebrating 20 years of marriage... In this video and the next, we reveal two main secrets of our lasting and happy marriage — something that every couple can learn and apply to their relationship. Watch and find out!



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Esther: Success despite hate and envy

Esther, besides being a foreigner in a hostile land, was also an orphan. She and her people were victims of an evil plot by Haman, a wicked high-ranking Persian official who simply hated Jews. His plan, which already had a set date and the royal seal of approval to be carried out, would result in the extermination of all Jews living in Persia within a few days.

No other people in exile, or even as simple immigrants, have been more afflicted, more hated, and more persecuted than the Jewish people. Such treatment towards Jews dates from the very beginning of their existence, even before they became a nation.

In fact, all of God’s people suffer the same treatment, regardless of their nationality, Jew or not. The Lord Jesus said that His followers would be hated by all nations, guaranteed.

But how is it possible that a people so hated, so persecuted, and so attacked by all, and without reason, can stand and still be successful? (Any resemblance to the Universal Church, is not mere coincidence...)

Through the story of Esther and other heroes of faith, we learn two secrets that have made them successful despite the challenges they faced in foreign lands:

• God’s irrevocable and unbreakable covenant — God has a commitment to those who are His. No weapon formed against them by anyone, in any country, under any law — shall succeed. God is faithful to those who have a living covenant with Him.

Gather my saints, those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice. Let the heavens declare his righteousness, for God Himself is Judge. Psalm 50:5,6

• The extreme courage, daring, and sacrifice of His warriors – Esther risked her own life to save her people. Initially she was afraid, as was also common to other heroes of faith like Moses, Gideon, and Jeremiah. But she overcame her fear, developed her courage, and went for the all or nothing. Through her boldness, fasting, and self-sacrifice, she interceded before the king and saved her people.

Fast for me; neither eat nor drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will fast likewise. And so I will go to the king, which is against the law; and if I perish, I perish! Esther 4:16

Your nationality, the family you have or don’t have, or your circumstances can only prevent your success if (1) you are a coward, (2) don’t have a covenant with God, or both.

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The 9700 were the most miserable

When someone tells the story of Gideon*, the emphasis is usually on his 300 warriors. And rightly so. They were the ones who made a difference. If not for them, the whole nation would have gone on being pushovers of the Midianites.

But we already knew this. The spotlight is always on the heroes.

But in the shadows, right there between the light of the 300 warriors and the darkness of the 22000 who were ​​timid and afraid, were the 9700. Who were they, anyway? Cowards? Warriors? That’s the thing. Even they didn’t know who they were.

When Gideon told those who showed up for the battle that whoever was timid and afraid should return home, 22000 card-carrying cowards admitted their fear and left for their “comfortable” caves. As much as I try, I cannot find an adjective that could describe this group. Such people don’t expect anything from life. So when they get nothing, they’re not surprised. But I won’t focus on them today.

The 9,700 were the real disappointment in the story.

They thought they were brave. They thought they were ready for battle. But when they were tested, they discovered something about themselves: They were as cowardly as the others who left before them.

The worst position you can find yourself in is sitting on the fence. Which side are you on? Are you hot, cold, or lukewarm? Is your decision yes, no, or maybe? Do you believe in God, not believe in Him, or just don’t know?

Decide who you are. Know where you stand.

Among the three groups in Gideon’s story, the 9700 were the most miserable. Doubt, hesitation, and half-hearted commitment, are the great reasons behind people's miseries and failures.

* Find Gideon's story in the Bible, book of Judges chapters 6, 7, & 8.

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