The sign God gives you

After watching this video, you might want to read this.

How can you NOT be angry?

I am beginning to conclude that for a person NOT to be angry in the world we live in, he or she must be either blind or brain-dead — or both.

If your blood is not boiling, if you're not seeing red, maybe this will get you started.

The wicked have no limits to do evil. How far will you go to do what is good and right, if not for others, at least for yourself?

Obstacles to anger

Why am I not angry? Why isn't my spirit revolted about my situation? Many have asked themselves these questions. Here are a few reasons why a righteous anger may not have been born in your heart yet:

1. You're living in a comfort zone
2. A (false) sense everything is okay
3. Acceptance of your fate
4. Religiousness
5. Lack of understanding of God's Word
6. Keeping friends with complacent people
7. Feeling satisfied with what you have
8. Fear
9. Lack of self-belief
10. Passivity
11. Waiting for others
12. Waiting for God
13. Distractions
14. Trying to manage your problems
15. Thinking too much and taking no action
16. Analysis paralysis (resulting from no. 15)
17. Forsaking practical faith for theological faith
18. Doubt
19. Comparing oneself to those less fortunate (generating no.7)
20. Small vision
21. Self-pity
22. Laziness

(The list goes on... Can you think of more and add it in the comments below?)

If you want to start a revolt against your problems, first you must get rid of what is blocking your righteous anger.

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The best person to challenge you

Many couples don’t realize that they have in each other a kind of coach. Your spouse is the best person to give you feedback about your strengths, weaknesses, and to help you improve as a person. That’s because your spouse is the closest person to you, who knows you better than anyone else.

Your spouse is a kind of mirror, where you can see a reflection of yourself. You wonder, “How am I doing? What am I good/bad at?” A quick look at your spouse, and the life that s/he gets from you, will tell it so truthfully that it may hurt you.

Your boss, colleagues, friends, and even relatives don’t know you that well. And however much they do, they’ll probably not tell you what they think of you in all honesty, for fear of hurting you. Or simply because they don’t really care.

But your wife or husband wants you to improve. You improve, s/he improves. So rather than seeing your spouse as a nag or avoiding having that hard talk, you should welcome the feedback. In fact, ask for it. Set up a system in your marriage where you will agree to be each other’s coach. Come up with some rules for it. Here are a few, to get you started:

1. I’ll only give you feedback at your request or with your permission (lets your spouse know it’s coming)
2. My feedback will be for the sole purpose of helping you improve, not to vent my frustrations
3. I will never attack your character or person
4. I will not pressure you to change, but trust that you’ll judge for yourself the value of my feedback and decide what to do with it
5. I will still love you no matter what

The big enemy of feedback is that it triggers defensiveness in the person receiving it. The above rules should help minimize that.

You have a free coach by your side. Are you making the most of it?

P.S. It’s this sort of information that helps you become a better, happier couple. Every couple of months, we gather smart couples in Houston for a two-week marriage course that transforms their relationship. The next one will kick off on August 2nd. If you're in Houston, you may want to do this course with and for your spouse. That’d be great. But above all, do it for yourself. Register now.

P.P.S. Not in Houston? You could buy the DVD set of the course via our online bookstore. It's no real substitute for attending the course personally, but it's the next best thing.

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When help is no help at all

There have never been so many ways to get help when we're in trouble or in need of advice as nowadays. Doctors, therapists, lawyers, government, books, and family members are just a few examples of the "go-to person." Add to that the advent of the Internet, and the options are endless. Nevertheless, even though these sources can sometimes be of great help, there is only so much they can do.

What are you to do when “help” turns out to be no help at all? 

What do you do with a broken marriage, with an incurable disease, a son or daughter heading the wrong path, or with so many debts to pay off? What if after following all the best advice, you still did not find a solution to your problem?

Perhaps you've asked the wrong people for help and left God for last. Look at what God said about this in Isaiah 30:1-2:

“Woe to the rebellious children,” says the LORD, “Who take counsel, but not of Me, and who devise plans, but not of My Spirit... and have not asked My advice.”

Clearly, God takes offense at not being consulted when we need help or advice. Don’t make that mistake.

What if you went to God and asked Him for advice on your situation? 

• What's the best financial decision?
• Is this person a suitable partner for marriage?
• Should you enter into that business partnership?
• What career should you follow?
• How do I deal with my rebellious teen?
• Should I get another doctor for a second opinion?

This Sunday, June 26th I invite you to bring your questions, important decisions, and requests for guidance to the Lord. Let’s inquire of the One who can truly help us.

My son made me this video

God gives us children for us to feel what He goes through with us. If you're a parent, you can understand much better what God expects of you.

A wise son makes a father glad. Proverbs 15:20

Angry at the wrong guy

I don't understand people who get angry at God. I mean, I understand why they do, but I don't understand why they would.

Hello? He's the only one who can help you, remember?

If I had an incurable disease and there was only one doctor in the world who could cure me, I would want to be on his good side... How come people don't get that when it comes to God?

Sometimes I hear such people say, "I'm angry because God is powerful, and so He is supposed to help me, but He's not doing it." I think these people should hear themselves a bit more attentively.

"...because God is powerful..." — Exactly! When the less powerful need help from the more powerful, the more powerful always sets the terms. But here we see the less powerful wanting to dictate how the more powerful is supposed to do his job...

I think they're just angry at the wrong guy.

Are you angry at God? Have you ever been? Why? Leave your comments below.

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Where anger comes from

Consider this verse: God is a just judge, and God is angry with the wicked every day. (Psalm 7.11)

Why is God angry? Because He is just, He knows what’s right and hates what is wrong.

What is anger or indignation? It’s a feeling God gives us to signal that something is wrong. In the same way, anger is a feeling that issues from God and is born in the heart of those who refuse to accept injustice, and to see evil and wrong prevail. Anger comes from God Himself. It originates from His righteousness. Human beings, as an extension of God, already have this feeling embedded in their nature.

The opposite of anger is passivity — accepting problems, justifying and finding excuses for them. “It’s life.” “I’m not the only one, many people go through this.” “Divorce is normal these days.” “We’re in a recession.”

When a person’s thoughts are aligned with God’s thoughts, that person feels angry every day too, because that is the mind of God.

The question is: What do we do with this anger and indignation? Those who don’t know what to do, end up either accepting their situation or doing something crazy, like taking out their anger on others.

But those who are connected to God’s thoughts are also guided by Him on what to do with their anger. And when they act upon this direction, change happens and justice prevails.

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New address for this blog

As of today, the new official web address of this blog is www.renatocardoso.com – please update your browser's bookmark. 

Press Command+D on your Mac now or Control+D on your PC, and it should take you to your browser's bookmarks.

Thank you for visiting this blog. I'll keep sharing spiritual intelligence with you as we go. And while you're here, may I suggest two little-known messages buried in this blog, which you might not have come across yet:

Did you know I almost married another woman?

And that courage does not always come naturally?

I love you but I don't like you

I've said it before that you can love someone but not really like them. And then, some people didn't like me for it. Well, at least this kid gets it.

The hidden problem

All the evil that we see in the world, the problems that anger us and make us sad, come from the inside of people.

When you watch the news and see a story about somebody who got murdered, or a politician who committed adultery, or about unemployment, or any other problem or crisis, what you’re really seeing is the product of what is inside people.

An angry person committed that murder; a lustful politician with a big ego committed that adultery; greedy businesspeople in bed with a self-serving government that couldn’t care less about the poor are just some reasons behind that high unemployment rate. So, what you really see physically happening, is only the fruit of what happens inside of people.

Things don’t hurt people. Inanimate objects can’t do anything by themselves. Nor can dead people. So we have to conclude that our problems are caused by what we have inside of us.

Which brings me to your situation. The problems you have right now originate inside you. Things like grief, anger, unforgiveness, guilt, depression, lack of motivation, indifference, frustration, a temptation to give up — and a whole list of emotional, mental, and spiritual problems are what’s really driving the other problems around you.

And if that is the case, then the solution to your visible problems lies in solving the inner, invisible problems.

There is a cure for them. You can be healed of all these internal wounds. But you need to start seeking the healing for these inner problems. Internal sickness requires internal healing.

Or put another way: If you want inner peace, you have to win the inner war.

Have you been fighting your inner war? Have you been winning it?

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I answer to no one

It is a very dangerous thing for a human being not to be accountable to anyone. Not to answer to anyone, not to have anyone above him or her. That is the sure way to many disasters. 

Take marriage, for example.

If my marriage to Cristiane is reaching the 20-year mark next month, it is for one reason above all others: We both fear and answer to God.

Make no mistake — my wife is a wonderful person. And I suspect I'm not that bad myself :-) … But the truth is that no matter how nice two people may be, they will always have disagreements when they live as a couple. She likes to go out, I like to stay home. She likes details, I cut to the chase. She wants to watch a romantic comedy, I want to watch a documentary. And so on.

These examples are somewhat trivial, but you can imagine the disagreements in more serious situations. I tell you, there have been big blow-ups, many clashes of egos. And then, who decides who is right, if both judge themselves to be right?

That’s why I say that during these 20 years, if she and I did not have the same faith to let God be the judge between us, to follow His advice and rules for a happy marriage, then we would not be here to tell the story.

Spiritual intelligence tells us that human beings behave better when they are accountable to someone. Of course, abiding by that principle goes against our selfish nature, because anyone who is flesh and blood wants total freedom (and zero responsibility). That’s why many marriages fall apart, young people ruin their lives, men in power are corrupted, and the world gets worse with every step it makes towards its much-sought "freedom".

Here’s a fact: If you do not give account of your life and actions to anyone, don’t be surprised if that account runs out of credit some day…

See that man who thinks he's so smart? You can expect far more from a fool than from him. Proverbs 26.12

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Plastic Jesus

Sincerity is the first step to receive help.

Get what you focus on (lose what you don’t)

Mary said to me, “I want to save my marriage but my focus right now is my children.” I wanted to tell her that she will lose her marriage then. But Mary’s not ready to hear that. One day she will see it — from my words or when her marriage ends — but she will eventually see it. My job is to try and help her realize that she cannot solve what she doesn’t focus on.

You want to grow your business, but your focus right now is getting a girl/boyfriend.

You want to be a better parent, but your focus right now is getting a promotion.

You want to get closer to God, but your focus right now is your studies.

Somebody needs to tell you that you will probably lose what you’re not focusing on. And that what you’re not focusing on is not what you really want. We want what we do, not what we wish for.

Mary wishes her marriage will not end, but what she really wants is her children’s well being, and by that she means their education. (You see, Mary is so confused that if she really wants her children’s well being, she should start by saving her marriage…)

Focus on the problem that really matters to you now, the one that once solved, will give you leverage to solve the rest.

Somebody had to tell you that.

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6 prayers God does not answer (p.2)

Prayer was never meant to be unanswered. God established prayer as a channel of communication between man and Him. Surprisingly, even a brief look into the Scriptures will show that God is more eager to hear man than man is willing to call on Him. Clearly, God is neither too busy to hear you nor is He rejecting you. 

Why then do your prayers seem to be falling in deaf years? Here are three more reasons (if you missed the first three, click here):

1. The prayer that does not care about God’s will – I knew a man whose faith was very shaken because God “let” his ageing mother die after he’d prayed so hard for her recovery. We need to understand that God’s will is sovereign and does not revolve around our selfish interests. Sometimes what we want is not what God wants for us. But if we trust in His goodness and wisdom as a Father, we may come to understand that what we were asking for wasn’t really for our best.
2. The prayer that is not based on a promise – When was the last time you claimed your right as a customer, employee or country citizen? What was the basis of your claim? You called upon a written promise, agreement, or law. And based on that, you put your foot down and did not accept any less than your right. In the same way, our prayers must be based on God’s promises (the Bible has more than 8,000 of them) because then we know we are asking what He has already committed Himself to give us.
3. The prayer that never gets there – When you send a letter, you want to make sure it gets into the hands of the right person. If you write a letter to President Obama for example, what are the chances he will read it? Nearly zero. But if you go to school with the Obama daughters and one of them promises to make sure her dad gets your letter, you can consider it done. As sinners we do not deserve any blessing from God. But if we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ — God’s Son and the sinner’s Friend — and pray to the Father in Jesus’ name, then we can be sure that our prayer will go to God. Any other name is a waste of time. “Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you.” John 16.23 

Prayer is meant to get results. If you would like to know more about how you can increase your faith and pray so you get results, here's a place. And here's another one.

6 prayers God does not answer (p.1)

You got really upset when you prayed and didn’t get what you asked for. It even made you wonder, “Is God really there?” And yet, all the time you hear stories of people who got answers to their prayers.

So, what’s the secret? What could you be doing wrong?

This is not an attempt to provide a full-length answer to these questions. There can be many more than 6 reasons why someone fails to get their prayers answered – each case is a different case. However, the ones below are common examples of prayers that God does not answer. See if you have been making these mistakes.

1. The prayer that lacks faith – The secret of successful prayer is to believe that what you asked is already done by faith, even before you can see it with your eyes. The mistake many people make is that they usually want to see it before they believe it.
2. The prayer that is against God’s principles – Ever heard of the lady who prayed so hard for God to help her marry her best friend’s husband? How can God answer a prayer that goes directly against His principles of right and wrong? It’s like asking a conservative to vote for the liberal candidate. He won’t do it.
3. The prayer that lacks action – No matter how much you can pray, you need to realize that there are things God will do only after you do your part. I usually say that God is not a God of action, but a God of reaction. He reacts to your actions of faith. So make sure you are adding actions to your prayers.

Tune in tomorrow for the other three. 

(Tip: If you subscribe to this blog by entering your email at the top right of this page, you'll be automatically notified when a new message is posted here.)

How to pray when you don’t feel like it

Sometimes even I don’t feel like praying — and I’m a pastor. It’s normal. Human beings are very fickle. One day you feel like you can take on the world. The next day you feel like you don’t want to be in the world.

Feelings. If we live by them, we’re doomed.

Thank God there’s an alternative: Doing what we have to do, not what we feel like doing.

When I don’t feel like praying, here’s what I do: I pray anyway. And I find that just like a lot of things in life, once you start doing something, the feeling will follow. First motion, then emotion. Sometimes I don’t feel like eating. But when I start, I want to eat more… I had to start writing this before I felt like doing it. I hate writing. I love to have written.

You get the idea.

The main thing is to settle in your head that you absolutely NEED to pray. It’s not an option. Sure for a lot of people it is (because they don’t know what they’re missing), but not for you. The consequences would be much worse than the small effort you have to make to pray.

So you haven’t talked to God lately. You haven’t felt like it. No problem. Are you alone in the room right now? Can you go somewhere private? Then stop reading this and go pray. Two minutes or twenty — it doesn’t matter. Say what you have to say and that’s it.

Then come back here, and add your comments about how doing that made you feel.

Now go.

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