One step forward, two steps back

Part of my work is to help people to change – to change themselves, their situation, or both. Some want to change their marriage, others their finances, some want to quit an addiction. They want to be a better person, to be able to enjoy their life more, or to successfully deal with a problem. We all need to learn how to do those things if we really want to succeed in life.

But I have observed one thing that defeats many people who are trying to change.

Setbacks.

The person comes to us with a problem; we listen, give him direction on what to do, and pray for him. The next thing you know is he comes back all happy and saying, “Pastor, it’s working like magic! My wife and I haven’t argued for week…” or “I closed a new contract today, it will really help me with those debts…” or “I haven’t felt like using drugs anymore.” And I am really happy to see his life changing.

But then, that same person might come back a few days later looking like they’ve just been in the ring with Mike Tyson. And I hear that the wife had him sleep in the couch the night before, or that his car broke down when he really didn’t need the extra expense, or that he took a puff at his friend’s pipe when he visited the other day.

Understand this: Changing your life is not like changing your shirt. Expect setbacks. You will make one step forward and two steps back for a while. It’s important you don’t beat yourself up over this.

What you need to do is pick yourself up, go back to where you left off, and start over. Change takes time. Change requires perseverance.

If you keep going, you will outlast the setbacks.

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Education: The god of some parents

Before stone-throwers start aiming for my head, let me get this clear: I’m all for education. I think any activity that positively stimulates your brain is not only good for you but necessary. I also believe that education is not synonymous with going to school or university, although I wish it were. And for that I blame the educational system, parents, and the students themselves — not necessarily in that order. But that’s for another day.

Having cleared up that I’m not against education, let me say this: Too many parents today worship at the altar of education. School books are their children’s Bible. School fees are their tithes. And their own children are their sacrificial offerings to a god who cannot deliver them.

Their prayer? “May my child get good grades so he will become somebody in life and make good money.”

And to get that prayer answered they are ready to do anything. Really, ANYTHING. They’ll be quite flexible on everything else, but won’t compromise on their child’s education.

“My 14-year-old daughter wants to start dating guys I don’t even know. Well, what can I do, you know teenagers, you can’t keep them in the house.” Many parents will accept that behavior from their daughter, as long as she’s being ‘responsible’ with her school work.

“Our son finds church boring but he is so excited about video games. He’s a boy, you know, we can’t drag him to church.” I wonder what these parents would do if their son wanted to stay home playing video games instead of going to school.

“My daughter disrespects me, doesn’t help around the house, and has taken to going out drinking with friends till late at night on weekends. I’ve been turning a blind eye as long as it’s not affecting her grades.” In other words, I’ll take abuse, I’ll support an ungrateful bum financially, I’ll wait up late at night worried sick till you come home drunk — BUT DON’T YOU START DOING BADLY IN SCHOOL!

When did getting an education take the place of good old manners, moral values, and faith? When did it make up for them?

My mom blamed herself for being unable to put me through private school. But she did a better job instilling some values in me than any Harvard professor could. To her dismay at the time, I left school before entering my last year of college in order to go into full-time ministry. That was 20 years ago. She laid the groundwork to a successful life. My faith in God did the rest.

I think I’ve turned out just fine.

PS. I was inspired by this Jordan Grooms quote I stumbled upon the other day: “If God calls you to be a missionary, don't stoop to be a king.” But I think Job nailed it when he said:

“So where does Wisdom come from? And where does Insight live? It can’t be found by looking, no matter how deep you dig, no matter how high you fly. If you search through the graveyard and question the dead, they say, ‘We’ve only heard rumors of it.’ God alone knows the way to Wisdom, He knows the exact place to find it. He knows where everything is on earth, He sees everything under heaven. After He commanded the winds to blow and measured out the waters, arranged for the rain and set off explosions of thunder and lightning, He focused on Wisdom, made sure it was all set and tested and ready. Then He addressed the human race: ‘Here it is! Fear-of-the-Lord—that’s Wisdom, and Insight means shunning evil.’” Job 28.20-28

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